My first STD was from a foam party
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
