How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My vagina just recognized that song.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
