he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
