Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
