Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
