Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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