dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
