Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
