your thong is hanging out like whoa
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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