I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
