Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
