He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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