i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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