Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
