HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My vagina is officially offended.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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