Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
