Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
