Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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