If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You are a genius and a whore.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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