He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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