he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
