literally had 100 drinks last night.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
