My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
