By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
