The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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