so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
