apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
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