I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
