I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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