well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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