Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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