Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
