And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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