it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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