we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
it's great music for shaving your balls
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
