Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
