No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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