why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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