Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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