Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
