i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
