Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
