Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
