if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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