They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
