So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
