Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
