If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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