I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
