weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
